Come Join Me

Monday, no work. That's fine, I've got to hoover and finish a sewing project. I've got the house to myself. So I thought, until one of my house mates crawled out from his room. Now that's ruined my reign of freedom and my fast pace to get my to do list done. Tuesday, no work. I got a text saying that the job's cancelled yesterday. They also kindly text me this afternoon to say tomorrows cancelled. I think I'm just going to cancel the rest of 2016 and go back to bed. I'm resisting so hard not to get into bed. It's not like I've not done anything today. I was at the gym for 10:30 am this morning, that's the real reason I need to get back into bed. Boxercise has left me exhausted!  The benefits of going back to bed: Save money, as I have none. (This will change Recover. Avoid my house mate (who happens to be at home again.) And hide from my no so exciting life. Benefits of NOT going to bed: Begin to write an amazing script/ play/ novel...

There are days that I wake up and think, I’m just going to stay in bed, there’s nothing for me to get up for, I have nowhere to be. I seem to be having that thought every time I have a day off. And currently, nearly every day is a day off for me. I’m also starting to think, what if i disappear? Just vanish, maybe even die? Nobody will notice. Not for a few weeks at least. I don’t have a regular job, so that won’t be a problem. And I don’t have close friends that see my often for them to notice. At the moment I’ve realised again, that I don’t have anything here. I spent three months away in a different country, not really knowing anyone and ended up feeling a lot better there than I did here.  “Its better to be lonely in a place no one knows you.’ ( A series of emotions you  might  feel....) I’m not going to die. Its just a thought I play with, I haven't planned HOW I will die. So its not even a deep thought…Just a passing one, so maybe vanishing will be a bett...